How Should You Navigate Social Media & Digital Contact When Dating?

It’s easy to get to a certain age and think that all of the sillier conventions and insecurities of youth have gone, but the truth is, they can remain with us for clear and obvious reasons. Nowhere is that more obvious than when dating. The great part about dating when you’re a little older and experienced is that you’re much more sure of yourself, much less naive, and much less willing to settle for less than good enough.

However, a level of maturity also means you won’t think that only the perfect person is worth walking into your life. It’s nice to meet someone just as human as you are, someone you can grow with, and connect to.

But in an era of social media management, online profiles, dating apps, and more, it’s not exactly easy to know what the standards are. Ideally, everything would be offline. But then again, texting, calls, photographs, location sharing, all of that can be questionable when dating in 2024 and beyond. What are the rules? Well, whatever you’re comfortable with and wherever your boundaries lay.

What are the main conventions? It’s not always clear.

In this post, we’ll discuss managing and navigating social media and online contact when dating. 

 

Should You Follow After A First Date?

There’s a weird feeling of wanting more if you’ve just had a great first date, so you may suddenly find yourself hovering over that follow button on Instagram. Do you do it? Wait for them to do it first? Pretend you haven’t already found their profile through some somewhat embarrassing detective work you think a touch less of yourself for engaging in? 

The truth is that there’s no perfect answer here, but maybe wait until you’ve met up a few times. It helps avoid that awkward “followed and unfollowed after one date” situation if things don’t really work out on the next one. If you’re together, or they’ve followed you, then you can of course follow one another. But sometimes it’s nice to just meet up in person and stick to calls before you get the full lowdown on their life. 

Of course, if you find out that they’re a huge Redditor arguing with people about politics each day, or are a kind of influencer you had no idea about, well, you can cross that bridge when it comes. At least you won’t think less of yourself for trying to digitally hunt them down for material you could have found out firsthand.

 

When Should You Delete Dating Apps?

If you’re on the apps, you likely wish you could delete them. But figuring out when to delete them isn’t exactly easy – you don’t want to keep having to remake a profile after a date goes sour. Keeping them feels a bit like having one foot out the door, but deleting them too soon might signal that you’re a bit too focused on this one person without being sure of them yet. Of course, we’d recommend dating one person at a time and being sincere about it, and you can always mute notifications when you need to.

Try to not stress out about this, as you could always try having an honest chat about it. “Hey, I’m thinking of deleting my dating apps” is something you could drop into conversation. It’s a nice sign that you’re actually enjoying your dating routine, and if you’ve been on a few then that’s not too forward. It’s really as simple as that. If they don’t reply affirming they have, there’s a good chance they’re still on them. Once you get a little further into the relationship building you can 

 

Text Message Timing

It’s very easy to overthink texting, and that’s not really too hard to empathize with. While stumbling over an awkward text or replying too many times may have you wanting to sell my iPhone 14 Pro and never use it again, you don’t have to think too deeply about it.

Sure, there’s something to be jealous of from before smartphones became standardized, as remembering when we had to wait by the landline for someone to call instead of fretting about that “ping” all day is quite nostalgic in hindsight.

That’s because these days, we’re wondering if three minutes is too soon to reply to a text. But you don’t have to feel dictated to by your smartphone, just respond when you actually see the message and have time to reply properly. Playing games with response times just adds stress to dating, so don’t read into it unless they’re routinely not replying for days.

In other words, if you’re busy, you’re busy. If you’re free, you’re free. Afford them the same courtesy and if you can, try to keep long texting conversations to a minimum while setting up plans with short calls instead. It’s best to meet up in person instead of having “the talking stage” over texting, otherwise you have little to speak about face to face!

 

Should You Look For Someone’s Social Media On The Sly?

We’re willing to bet that most people reading this have had the late-night scroll through a potential partner’s social media history. We’d recommend avoiding this. It doesn’t make us feel great, and the odds that you’ll find something scandalous like a marriage they’re hiding from you is pretty low.

Moreover, nobody needs to know you’ve seen their awkward 2016 Halloween costume or that beach trip from three years ago. Some mystery in dating is still good, even if it goes against our curious impulses. Now, are you a lesser person because you Googled their name? No. But it can turn into a bad habit if you let it. That’s just some warm advice you may or may not choose to follow.

 

Posting About Your New Romance

Getting excited about someone new is a nice feeling, and it’s tempting to shout it from the social media rooftops so to speak. But before you start doing that, check in with your partner and see what their boundaries are. Some people love sharing their relationships online, while others prefer keeping things private. If you prefer that, and they’re more of a poster, let them know you’d rather keep it dignified for now.

Lucky enough, going “Facebook official” can feel a little outdated in 2024. Few people really do that, but of course, taking pictures of one another and uploading your outings can certainly have the effect of showing people you’re together. Sometimes it’s best to just keep it private unless you really want to. It’s nicer to share family photos directly if we wish to anyway.

 

Should You Scrub Content About Your Ex?

If your new partner isn’t an oddball, chances they’ll understand you’ve had a relationship before of some type. This is even more true as we get older, perhaps you even have a couple of children from a previous relationship that didn’t pan out. That’s nothing to be ashamed of and you shouldn’t hide it.

That said, many people still wonder what they should do about those photos with their ex still lingering around. Well, some people do a full digital cleanse, while some others see it as part of their history. You have nothing to be afraid to be embarrassed of here of course. Have a think about what feels right for you, and be ready to have an open chat about it with your new partner if they ask you about it. Though of course, if they demand you remove content about your past just to please them, that’s a red flag. 

Keeping your photos gated behind privacy settings or offline for personal use is a good idea anyway. You can always save those you don’t want to share in your own secure cloud folders. Ultimately it’s up to you, and if you feel you have to conform to a new standard to please them, then it might be worth setting an understood boundary early.

 

How Should You Set Social Media Boundaries?

Maybe you don’t want to be the kind of person who posts long paragraphs about your partner on Valentines Day. That’s totally fine. But if they really want to, then it’s likely a good idea to have a conversation about how you both approach posting. Some people feel that it’s a token of love to share you on their Instagram. If you think that’s a little vapid, tell them. 

That’s not to say one person is right or wrong, but you get to decide what your social media use is like and the extent to which you’re posted on it. The weight of the argument should always be on the side of the person who would rather keep their privacy, because that means they’re not being outed on social media without their consent, even to a trusted friend group. If you keep shared memories between you and your family, that’s generally the best option. If you’re cool with it, then there’s no problem at all.

With this advice, we hope you can manage the constant presence of smartphones and how they relate to dating. The crux of all this advice is to not sweat the small stuff, and if you have disagreements or different perspectives, be sure to talk about it.